slutortunist

Monday, February 23, 2009

I am a slut. And also an opportunist. The first part of my formal higher education is coming to an end and I'm trying to come up with possible jobs where I can be both... here is my list of slutortunist jobs/careers.

1) Retail furniture store sales person - I used to work next to a chic furniture store that was relatively empty. Contemporary furniture in all the primary colors doesn't sell quite as well as shit from Ikea. They had some great lighting that would make any porn DP (director of photography) proud. Something about fucking in a store that nobody wants to be in is hot. Especially if the windows are all open for voyeurs.

2) Flight Attendant - This is painfully obvious. And if anyone is associated with any Asian or Latin American airline, I hope you know I am quadr-lingual. And you know that I'll be blowing at least one person each flight!

3) Real estate agent - I am a snooper. I used to go house-hunting with my mom and her clients. I'd be wandering into people's rooms--the very thing you are afraid of when you allow your house to be shown while you are still living in it. I'd use it for inspiration to create some of the characters I'd be developing for a sketch or a script. If that's not creepy enough, have you ever fucked in a stranger's home? Me neither. And I'm wholesome enough for people to trust me with their property.

4) Museum curator - Art museums make me wet. Seriously, I was about to have an orgasm when I was standing in front of The Great Masturbator.

5) Hotel concierge - Cheap/free rooms? Access to towels, elevators, empty conference rooms? Something about being in a building where people come and go (pun intended), where mistresses are goddesses, where one-night-stands turn into awkward goodbyes. Hotels are a place for sex. Now if only I can open up my own love hotel...

6) Blogger - Almost half of my life is being consumed by the internet. It is sad, but I probably read more and learn more new things every day than the average college student. If I had it my way, I'd wake up with a coffee and cigarette, get caught up on the East coast feeds, write a few posts before noon, get laid, open a bottle of wine, video podcast myself cooking dinner. And you'd know I'd top it off with a live sex show... every night.

7) Maserati dealership receptionist - I like nice cars. Maseratis are nice.

8) Chef - Food and sex are very similar in the way I choose to indulge. I like variety, but I also like quality. And I certainly do love pleasing people's appetites.

9) Housekeeper - Taking a hint from, this film where Jennifer Aniston's character not only goes through other people's stuff while she's cleaning, but fucks a dude in their homes. Opportunistic? Yes! The thing is, I would clean first then fuck.

10) Security Guard - Because who are people going to call when you get caught? This is perfect for fucking in weird public places, like an abandoned upscale department store.

Of course I left out the obvious ones like bartender, babysitter, high school teacher... but feel free to comment and add some of your own.

poly versus swinging

Saturday, February 21, 2009

When I first started networking this blog, I wanted to acquaint myself with certain keywords that would make being slutty more legitimate. I aligned myself with polyamory because it seemed like such an ideal thing. Non-monogamy was key for me but mostly because I wanted the freedom to be slutty.

And I also wanted to be the favorite. Who doesn't? The biggest turn on of having your lover go fuck someone else is when they come back to fuck you because you're the best. Mr. Zoey had it right when he said, "I'd have 100 concubines. If they were all like you!"

Polyamory seems like such a huge responsibility because it is a communal commitment. It definitely is the most communistic approach to non-monogamy. It's a classless, no playing favorites, equal status of all parties involved. Everything done is for the well being of the group relationship.

Maybe instead of seeing myself as getting progressively kinkier, I should see myself as getting progressively more poly. I have graduated from a stage where I saw my sexual partners as fulfilling only one-part of my sexual needs. I have tried to split myself up among a few different sexual partners. I knew specifically who to call when I was in the mood for rough sex, sensual sex, multiple orgasms, just giving head, just masturbating, etc.

Not to be over sentimental, but I no longer feel the need to split up my desires and only get a little bit of what I want. I have an all-in-one, a sole partner who is also my favorite. What's left for us to do in this non-monogamous scenario is to extend our desires to include other people--swinging. It's like when you have something great, you want to take it to a potluck!

fear factor

Friday, February 20, 2009

*Not exactly the most ideal post after publishing a picture of my ass... but this is all I've got.*

Sharing this blog with him means I hold nothing back. I'm an open archive which puts me at a severe disadvantage. How would you feel if you knew your lover... 1) had an archive of all the men she has been with 2) became utterly depressed which resulted in a string of random hookups, one of which ended with a case of gonorrhea 3) shares her sex life with strangers 4) has a readership that exceeds the number of people in your graduating class.

Almost three years of my personal history is outlined in this blog and when you know the person behind it, it's easy to read between the lines and absorb more information about them than their best friend. Perhaps baring all of this created too much of a burden on us. But I never did hold expectations of what would become of our supposed one-night stand. When I gave him a direct link, there was an implicit "this is my past, don't hold anything against me" attached. Integrating someone into both my real life and the endless amusement that is this blog, is refreshing and fun. No secrets and no lies... If this fucks up, I will definitely not be the one to blame because it was all there from the beginning. Click through the months and years, any gaps I'd be happy to fill in for you.

But the curse of the February heartbreaks seem to carry itself on. You would think it'd hurt less and I'd be immune to spending the months of February through April alone. Yet it's quite the opposite. It all happens the same way right? I wouldn't have had a problem with #2 moving away if I hadn't known that he was with another girl while we were together. And I wouldn't have had a problem with #5 leaving me if I hadn't found out afterwards that he actually left me to be with another woman.

Ignorance is bliss. I wouldn't have a problem with being happy right now with Him if I hadn't found out about something not in the present, not after the fact... but prior. He was the culmination of what #5 and #2 did and it's wrong that I'm comparing it as so, but there's no other way to make sense of this caliber of pain I'm going through.

No, he is not ditching me for a better life or another woman... he's still here, we're still together, just not the way I thought we'd come to be together. I almost feel guilty of falling for him under such false pretenses.

I feel like a fraud to every person who has emailed me asking me how it is that I can be in an open relationship with someone. Though preferred, it's not perfect. Better than the "don't ask, don't tell" policy that was my previous experience. But definitely not free of its own share of paranoia.

I asked my best friend to remind me of this conversation when we break up in the future and ask me if that night was my chance for a get out of jail free. I guess the only thing to measure is, how happy I can be after this point. Because if we are better, whether it is more sexually adventurous as a couple or being more committed to each others' desires, then this is worth getting through. I want us to get better.

HNT: The Sportscuffs Edition

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Notice the rails on my cheap Ikea bed. This is where the magic happens. Cuffs by Sportsheets.

Do I get a prize or something for participating?

the veto system

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

There are significant differences between a southern California native and a transplant. I almost had a veto system where I'd disapprove against sleeping with someone who didn't know how to travel side streets to get through to any destination within the greater LA area. Or at least know all the freeway interchanges. Come on now...

The veto system is slightly different when you have two heads instead of one. Mr. Zoey often frowns upon my previous choice of men (see #5) and it's embarrassing when I do realize that the kind of guys I attract and therefore become attracted to are of the same mutt: creative edge, scruffy facial hair, and recreational drug use.

Our taste in women are about the same. Especially since we have tasted the same women. When we OK a couple according to the female (prerequisites include: natural breasts, height-weight proportionate, dark hair, clean shaven, looks like a good cocksucker, smokers a plus!), we carefully examine the male.

It comes down to...

1) Does he have a picture of him giving the devil's horn and sticking his tongue out? We do not need to make a douchebag the luckiest guy on earth.

2) Is he a fucking Wookie? I cannot deal with body hair on people I don't know. This is not to say that I want to get to know you before we fuck. Just keep yourself manscaped okay?

3) Who is his celebrity lookalike? If he looks like James Franco, then I can definitely stand to brag about fucking a James Franco lookalike. Pauly Shore, not so much.

And we also carefully examine the couple's profile because swinger sites are like dating sites...

1) Are they full swap? We are not socially active swingers. We are in it to fuck, not to make friends. This isn't a sorority house nor an episode of Real World. This is supposed to be a sexual situation where adults can fuck each other.

2) Sexual chemistry - We constantly see couples who are looking to meet others and feel a "spark." The only "spark" should be the precum on my boyfriend's dick when he gets hard watching me suck your husband off. That is all.

3) Kink - We do not want to meet a couple who are kinkier than we are. We do not want to meet a couple whose idea of kink is 69.

I'm not crazy right? But we have yet to meet a couple who fulfill our requirements. We've gone through hundreds of profiles on Lifestyle Lounge and while we have had some good hookups, we're still left searching for the perfect couple... our clones.

tied up with accessories

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

We tend to improvise when it comes to restraining devices. Ties are good; they can go around my neck, around my wrists, or both! But we decided to indulge in a more made-for-fucking apparatus. Fuzzy handcuffs are too much of a novelty for serious restraining so we picked out a pair of Sports Cuffs by Sportsheets. They are so comfortable and the "sports" in them makes me feel like I can easily pass them for some sort of exercise device.

I've been conditioned to get super wet at the sound of that piercing, scratchy Velcro. All bets are off when he pushes my arms back and hooks the cuffs together. He kisses up and down my body and works his tongue over my cunt. It's even more intense when I can't use my hand to somehow keep him from licking me too much, as if there's ever a too much.

The more he teases, the wetter I get. When he finally pushes his cock inside me, nuzzles into my neck as he grinds it deep, and whispers in my ear how good my pussy feels around his cock... I get taken over the edge. Always.

With the every day stress that is my life: balancing work and school and our extracurricular swinging... it is really really really nice to spend time focusing on our one-on-one fantasies. One of my biggest fears is on my own fickleness yet I have overcome that with him because where I'm fickle, he's flexible, and where I'm indecisive, he's assertive. Win-win.

How lucky am I...